Category: A tech’s life

Still better than 2020

Grandma passed, unfortunately on Christmas Day. We had a small family-only graveside funeral for her. It was quite difficult, and I didn’t make it as far as I thought I would before I couldn’t hold back the tears. I’m glad she is no longer suffering, but I already miss her greatly.

Then, on the first day back to work, I didn’t even make it 2 miles before a deer decides to run into my truck doing nearly $3K work of damage. Then the cyst I have on the back of my neck decides its time to get infected. So I have it looked at, and now I have to have surgery next month.

So far this year has not started off like I’d hoped, but its still better than 2020.

Goodbye, Grandma

I’m not exactly sure how I feel right now. My grandmother had a stroke last week which put her in the ICU. They didn’t think she was going to make it through the night, and while she still had no motor functions, she began speaking again, and we were all hopeful she would recover. The next day, she had another stroke, and has pretty much been out of it since. They removed the feeding tubes a few days ago, so now we are all just waiting. The only people they will let see her are my father and step-mother, with whom she was living. Tonight, my step-mom called and asked if I would want to say goodbye to grandma over the speakerphone, since they won’t let anyone else in to see her. I wasn’t even sure what to say. How do you say goodbye to someone who had such an impact on your life? The most difficult part, I think, was telling her that it was OK for her to go now. That we will all be all right, and we don’t want her to suffer any longer. I haven’t been able to stop crying since I got off the phone.

I can’t help feeling upset. Pissed, rather, at all the people who are so self-centered that they can’t be bothered to even wear a freakin mask. Pissed that I can’t give her one last hug because we are still struggling through this pandemic. The thing that keeps making me cry, though, is remembering all the amazing time I spent with her growing up. The countless nights my sister and I slept over at her house. All the times she took me bowling. Picked me up from school to take me to get my allergy shot, then to Sports Cards Plus to buy me baseball cards. Watching her watch “her story” at 1pm during the summer while I played with marbles, followed the Tigers whenever they were on TV. Convincing her to go pick up a friend so they could stay with us, too. Riding in the back of the tiny little Dodge Omni. Watching her get hair permed. Setting the timer on her exercise bike and then running and hiding when it went off. Helping her pick vegetables from her garden, and grapes from her vines. Playing lawn darts with her (the real ones), then going into her screened-in tent to play Yahtzee when it was too hot to be inside. Sitting at the dining room table listening to Randy Travis with her, and singing Diggin up Bones as loudly as we could. I can remember her telling me the story of meeting my grandpa when he was on leave during World War II, and when he left, her turning to her sister and saying “I’m gonna marry that man.” I really could go on for days.

My step-mom said that when I started talking to her, she turned her head towards the phone. I stopped over to my dad’s house just a few weeks ago on my way back from dropping off some things to the landfill. Even with my mask on, she still recognized me and called me by the correct name. I can very clearly remember the last time I saw her mom, my great-grandmother, before she passed. She had no idea who I was. While I understood, it was still painful. I’m so thankful that the last time I saw her, she knew who I was, even without seeing my whole face. And I believe she knew exactly whose voice that was a few hours ago coming through the speaker.

Waiting for the call the last week has been rough. Saying goodbye and telling her it was OK for her to go was worse. Now I’m back to waiting and praying. Hopefully being able to tell her goodbye, even over speakerphone, will help make it easier when she does finally pass. I can’t stand to think that she is in pain, and while I would love to see her again, I don’t want her to suffer any longer. So, I hope that call comes soon. When it does, I’ll try to continue remembering all the wonderful times I had with her, and know that she’s with grandpa once again.

Welcome Home!

After 10 years of renting our home from our folks, we were finally able to purchase it from them! We closed yesterday afternoon, and then celebrated all evening. Finally something good to come from 2020. Cheers!

EOTW Update

Well, we made it to the end of another week. This weekend hasn’t been terrible. Lots of video games and beer, but I’ve been able to get the yard basically ready for winter, which was really weighing on me. Now, the garage is clean enough to park both vehicles in (I really wish we had some way to cover Jillian’s car, but oh well), the kitchen is basically done, and the upstairs is relatively back in order. The basement family room needs a lot of TLC, but without heavy pickup happening, that might be a while. I’ve been enjoying the little theatre area we created downstairs. Looking forward to relaxing a little today while watching the Lions play. Given past experiences watching the Lions, it will probably be less relaxing that I’d like, but at least I’ll get the yell at the screen. Until then, I think it’s more 7d2d, and perhaps some HacktheBox. Also, November 4th can’t come fast enough. I just want this to be over, and for something good to come out of 2020. I think it’s past time for Mr. Wonka to gather up the missing factory workers, if you know what I mean.

2020 – WTF?

It’s been quite a long time since I posted anything to this site. It popped into my head a few days ago as I was driving to work, considering the possibility of writing things down helping me deal with the utter sh**show that has been this year. Yesterday, I received the domain renewal notice, so I took that as a sign to log back in. After spending 15 minutes trying to guess what my old password might have been, I was finally able to log in and begin cleaning up the crazy amount of spam comments waiting approval. I’m also moving domain registrars, so this site will probably be down for a bit during that process, but I doubt anyone (including myself) will actually notice.

I don’t even know where to begin. Beyond the pandemic and government-related garbage everyone has been dealing with this year, I’ve lost a step-brother, had my hometown destroyed by a flood, and have had some recent family issues that nearly pushed me past my breaking point. Perhaps I’ll talk more about those later, but for now, I just can’t.

After going through old posts here, I found my earliest one from 2008, where I had mentioned that my old hosting provider royally screwed up a backup/restore and lost everyone’s data and that I was starting over. That pushed me over to the Wayback Machine to see what was stored there. I purchased this domain back in January of 2003, and the first snapshot taken by the WBM was in August of 2003, where my earliest posts revolved around our trip to Texas to visit the in-laws and to celebrate our three year wedding anniversary. Just seeing the old site made me smile. It was my first experience with PHP and MySQL (and apparently scrolling marquees). I remember spending countless hours on it, getting programming help from friends, and adding fun things like the “Unobtainable Goals for the Week” section. I’m really considering bringing that one back. Reading though some of the old posts really brought back some great memories. In one post, I told the shortened version of how my wife and I got together, and how on December 21st, 1995, I finally worked up the nerve to call her and ask her out, with some goading from a friend staying over of course. Then on December 5th, 1998, I asked her to marry me.

With everything going on right now, it was nice to read, in my own words, stories about what was going on in my life and how I was feeling back then, both the good and the bad. It provided some much needed perspective. It provided the motivation to come back here and begin writing again. Though given my track record on things like this, it will most likely be short-lived, but so be it. Perhaps when I’m on the back side of whatever crises I’m currently going through, it will provide the same temporary relief I’m feeling now. At the very least, it allowed me to put off adulting for an hour or so.  🙂