The shock might kill you…

Several times, with assistance from many of your family members, I have scared the shit out of you by being in your house when you thought was out of the state. I may or many not continue the trend in the future, however, I fear you will have a heart attack if I persist. I’ll probably invest in an Automatic Electric Defibrillator for the next time. I’ll probably make sure Lacey is ready to call 911 as well. I may also wear a helmet as you’ve almost connected on your wild, panicked swings.

[Jerry’s additions]

The last time was because I came home and Lacey’s dad was here and said there was something wrong with my kegerator and so I paid no attention to whatever was in the corner waiting to jump out at me. You’re lucky I didn’t have a wrench or something in my hand.